It was just one of many such moments that occurred over the past two years as we watched our boy slip farther and farther away from us and our values. I worked literally day and night to find help, look for counsel, and often searching for our missing boy. Nothing we did seemed to change the direction in which our son's life seemed to be going.
Many times my husband and I felt like giving up. We prayed. We asked others for help and advice. I remember one night in particular as I was chatting with a friend I literally threw up my hands up in the air and said - I quit. She's a good friend - she said, Ok! I understand.
But I'm a fighter and even though I did quit the hunting, hunting for help and the chasing, chasing after a boy who didn't seem to care - I never gave up. But it was after this point that the prayers of friends took effect and I believe God who had been working all the time - sped things up a bit and took control of the situation as I gave it all over to Him. Yes, I had been praying all the while. But that night was a turning point as my husband and I realized that we needed to move in a new direction.
Back to the camping trip... after our boy walked away and we all sat in the car wondering what in the world to do - he turned around and came back! He still refused to go along with us but did agree to go to his grandparents' house for the weekend and stay there. It was a relief, but the whole event was draining. Now we were to go off and have a good time? We tried and somehow we did, with a few tears on my part from time to time.
The photo above is me taking the missing son's place on a reserved river kayak trip through some small rapids. The trip had been paid for, so I said I would give it a go. That is until I heard the rushing sound of the first little rapids and knew my skills learned in a pond were not so good - but I'm a fighter, right? A scared one! I went on with the encouragement of husband and boys - and I made it.
I'm a fighter and a quitter. I've quit a lot of things over these past two years. And I have gone on to fight for others. Right now I'm fighting against economic disaster! The therapeutic boarding school where our boy went not long after this camping trip is not cheap. Husband and I are working hard to pay bills and not sink into great debt. Even that is a new direction and a new fight replacing old things that I have quit. I've taken a part time job and am taking on private English students. My days are full and I'm working to stay peaceful and on top of things in my home as well. Going to keep on fighting and keep on "quitting" in the areas of stress and worry.
In the midst of our struggles with a son who had now been diagnosed with O.D.D., a behavioral disorder with many facets and factors, we have had to change the direction of our family and have learned more about depending on God and trusting in Him. We are thankful for the place that God provided for our son and where is he now prospering in school and thinking of his future positively.
Prayers for our boy as he receives the quality treatment he needed to move ahead towards a successful future with a fresh outlook on life. Prayers for us, the parents, as we learn from past mistakes and move ahead. Prayers for our oldest as he looks towards college in the States. Lastly prayers for our youngest as he may be able to reap knowledge and wisdom from our experiences over the past years. Prayers for complete restoration of our whole family on one fine day just down the road.
Love never gives up on people.
It never stops trusting, never loses hope, and never quits.
I never quit hoping, trusting or loving... I just quit trying to figure it all out. I quit to let God do His work and lead in what direction we were to go. God answers in His time!