Some time around the spring of 2016 our lives took on a new swing. It was a quieter, less chaotic, smoother thing. There was no more island camp wearing us out with weekend after weekend retreat. There was no more hurrying off to catch the bus to town for my ESL teaching job which also wore me out. There was only one boy. William and Dalton are both in the States now working, studying and living. And all of a sudden, it didn't seem so odd - the quiet. It was just new. I didn't miss the craziness of our retreat schedule. I did miss my two stateside boys but I was worrying over them day and night any more. I didn't miss the bus rides one bit.
Now I should define the word "quiet" a little better. It doesn't really mean silence, just the lack of busyness with three boys running in and out and here and there. It means a little less laundry, a little fewer dishes in the sink, and a little less housework and some actually quiet. We tend to go to bed a little earlier. We stick to a basic routine. But there is quite a bit of noise actually between the recorders of all sizes, the flute, the clarinet, the violin, the guitar, the piano keyboard, the ocarinas and occasionally a harmonica. Yeah, it can be noisy - but there's a certain peace about it all.
You see, for the longest time after we came back to Brazil minus Dalton and then William went to the States - I felt a sort of culture shock, trauma, grief. We'd faced some rough battles as a family and made some tough decisions in staying in Brazil after the sale of the island camp. With two of our boys in the USA, I felt a certain emptiness. Dalton had been through some hard problems, was doing well, but I still worried every minute of every day. William had decided to leave to study, and I wondered about his decisions. I wondered if they had enough food, money, safety. You name it. Life felt very topsy-turvy. Nonetheless we had topped the hill out of he valley of the worst of dark days. We had come down the twisty-curvy mountain road, and were getting back on to a smooth path...
One day I woke up and didn't feel gloomy or tired. I had worked really hard all through the crazy times to stay above the tide of depression but I wasn't always successful or entirely content. Some time this spring I found myself able to smile for no good reason and started to see a brighter future for the journey ahead. None of my problems or worries had really gone away, but they didn't seem so overwhelming anymore. It was like I had simply arrived at that crossroads of decision and had decided to be happy again and it stuck.
I'm thankful for a heavenly Father who brought me through a long haul and into a new, sort of quiet, peaceful spot. I don't know what the immediate or long term future holds but I can be satisfied and peaceful for each day in the mean time.
Oh, I still wonder a little around lunch time about what my stateside boys might or might not be eating each day!
In peace I will lie down and sleep,
for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.