Wednesday, April 4, 2018

Ugh, the Grief Bug Bit

Easter evening, 2018
Easter, the mission house on Triangle Drive was filled with grandbabies, in-laws, a few out-laws, grandparents, and invited guests.  There may have been 18 or 20.  It was great, but somewhere along the line I realized I had taken no photos and forgotten to give Papa and Greyson their chocolate bunnies early that morning.  So, I felt sort of let down.  And a wave of "missionary grief" began to rise.

last week

Fast forward to  Monday afternoon:  William, our oldest, who'd been "home" over the holiday weekend rushed to get his things together to go back to college.  He'd decided to ride the newly fixed by Papa motorcyle back to school.  It was so nice to think of him going back to school, just like a normal American family.  We haven't been around to "see" the college thing.  As he rode off into the sunset and waved good-bye, it felt good and sad all at the same time.

at our house

Move along to Monday evening: we were invited to have supper at our newly married son's home.  It would be our first visit.  I felt anxious to see where my grandbabies live and eat and play and sleep.   I cried all the way there, thinking how blessed we were to finally have this moment.  We had a great time, ate a wonderful meal, got to spend some time together.  Got back in the car and yeah, I cried all the way home, thinking how little time we have left of our furlough to come back and do this again.  And dumb old me, ruminated most of the night.

Sometimes the "grief bug" hits when you least expect it.  Sometimes it seems we turn on the bug light and call it to come on in.  But once we see the swarm buzzing around, that's when dear missionary mamas have to look for the fly swatter and take back control.  

Missionary mamas grieve before things ever take place anticipating the future loss of connection with loved ones.  They grieve for things on the mission field while on furlough and grieve for things at "home" while on the field.  But knowing that while on furlough time is short, I have to push aside that Oh No Furlough is Almost Over feeling in order to enjoy the time at hand.  

This morning I read over 2 Corinthians 4...

v.1 Therefore, since we have this ministry, as we have received mercy, we do not lose heart...
v.16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.

May God remind me that since we have a ministry, I can rest in God's great mercy to give me the strength to push forward for a far more grand glory in the here and now and the future.

Wednesday, I ran around town with Byron for some errands.  Needed to send off a box with UPS.  It wouldn't fit in the drop off box at the hospital where we had been told there was one.  Hmm, there went a UPS truck down the road.  Next stop, another brown truck breezed by.  Last stop on the list, a brown truck pulled up right beside us in the parking lot!  I jumped out with my box feeling like God had sent that truck to me!  Ha, ha, ha!  Little gratitudes.  Thank you, God, for a small blessing and a smile!

2 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing your heart. You are a wonderful missionary momma whose testimony brings Glory and honor to God. Thank You for your example! 💜

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    Replies
    1. Often I don't feel like much of an exakple, friend, but I do take my role seriously and ask for your prayers. Much love!

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